Plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to re place it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there.
That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you ! the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later. User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE
Friday, February 6, 2009
Heavenly Communications
An old man was sitting in a park reading the book 'Learn C in 21 days'.
A paserby saw him and asked, "at your age, why are u trying to learn C?"
"I've heard that the communcation language used in Heaven is only C, and I don't want to face any communication problems when I go there, " the old man replied.
"But how are you so sure that you will go to Heaven? You could land up in Hell as well, "the passerby asked.
"Ya doesn't matter... I already know Java".
A paserby saw him and asked, "at your age, why are u trying to learn C?"
"I've heard that the communcation language used in Heaven is only C, and I don't want to face any communication problems when I go there, " the old man replied.
"But how are you so sure that you will go to Heaven? You could land up in Hell as well, "the passerby asked.
"Ya doesn't matter... I already know Java".
HOW A HR MANAGER COULD WRITE A LOVE LETTER.....
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
SARDAR 2
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key Westto Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywoodand Las Vegasperform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywoodand Las Vegasperform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
WOMEN - MEN
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
=================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
......................
...........................................
... ... ... ... ... ...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
===================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
=================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
......................
...........................................
... ... ... ... ... ...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
===================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
INDIA - PAK
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the defeat of Bush."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state. "
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this Laloo starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. "
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Musharaff is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "
God replies:"Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state. "
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this Laloo starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. "
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Musharaff is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "
God replies:"Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"
INTELLIGENT MONKEY
INTELLIGENT MONKEY
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey : "Tying their seat belts" Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! and Morning Wishes!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the Flight system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking all these events"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travellers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the Aircraft"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: " Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Kissing the pilots"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Responding"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering".
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey : "Tying their seat belts" Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! and Morning Wishes!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the Flight system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking all these events"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travellers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the Aircraft"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: " Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Kissing the pilots"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Responding"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering".
LEMON JUICE
L E M O N J U I C E
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" "No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company !"
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" "No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company !"
Dont Marry a IT Girl
Never love a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never love a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never love a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Grandma's Boy Friend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a Boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
Darwin Awards
As you probably already know, the Darwin awards are awarded annually for the most extreme act of (occasionally terminal) stupidity - they are now in for 2004.
RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
RUNNER-UP A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space for her car. Understandably, he shot her.
RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
RUNNER-UP A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
DARWIN WINNER, 2003. When his 38-caliber Revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
RUNNER-UP A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space for her car. Understandably, he shot her.
RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
RUNNER-UP A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
DARWIN WINNER, 2003. When his 38-caliber Revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
SHOCKING TELEGRAMS TELEGRAM
SHOCKING TELEGRAMS TELEGRAM
#1 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2 A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3 A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
TELEGRAM #4 A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well, put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened. The entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
#1 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
TELEGRAM #2 A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
TELEGRAM #3 A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
TELEGRAM #4 A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well, put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened. The entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
Effective Communication
What is Effective Communication ??
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Effective Communication
What is Effective Communication ??
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
Doctor - Patient 2
One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgo t to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgo t to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
Bihar Driving License
Bihar Driving License... ================================================================ DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------------------------------------ -----------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name: (_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name: (_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age: (_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. ***: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason: (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed (Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard: (_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give any color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparessan : ____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impressan.)
PLEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
-=- Bihar RTO
------------------------------------------ -----------------------
NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name: (_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name: (_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age: (_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. ***: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6.Occupason: (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed (Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: _______________________
10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard: (_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give any color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparessan : ____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impressan.)
PLEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
-=- Bihar RTO
Doctor - Patient
A fellow went for a check up to his family physician. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave the man the bad news -- "I'm sorry, but you only have 6 months to live."
Obviously the man was shocked. He replied, "Please Doc, give me some advice!"
"Well," the doctor said, "here is what I would do. First off, I would move to Arkansas. Then I would buy a hog farm. Finally, I would marry a 350 lb. woman."
Looking perplexed, the man replied "my God, doc, how in the world will that help?"
The doctor answered, "Well, I don't know how much it will help your illness, but it will be the longest 6 months of your life!"
Obviously the man was shocked. He replied, "Please Doc, give me some advice!"
"Well," the doctor said, "here is what I would do. First off, I would move to Arkansas. Then I would buy a hog farm. Finally, I would marry a 350 lb. woman."
Looking perplexed, the man replied "my God, doc, how in the world will that help?"
The doctor answered, "Well, I don't know how much it will help your illness, but it will be the longest 6 months of your life!"
Airline Announcements
Airline Announcements...........
Lufthansa Airlines Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.
For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ".
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Delta Airlines
At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Lufthansa Airlines Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request.
Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane.
For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ".
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Delta Airlines
At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,
"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.
Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.
Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
British Airways
"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
Sardarji-Bush
A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with George Bush.
Bush: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bush: Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bush: more..more..more... (Sardarji went up to 100 feet)
Bush: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bush: you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. (Sardarji became frustrated.)
He invited Bush to India. Next year Bush had been in India
Sardarji: I want to show you our advancement. (The same, he takes Bush in forest.)
Sardar: Dig it. (Bush does.)
Sardar: More...More..More.......... (Bush goes Upto almost 400 feet...)
Sardarji: Try to find something. (Bush tries.)
Sardarji: Did you get anything?
Bush: No.
Sardarji: yes, even 400 years ago we used to have wireless Technology.
Bush: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bush: Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bush: more..more..more... (Sardarji went up to 100 feet)
Bush: So now, try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bush: you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. (Sardarji became frustrated.)
He invited Bush to India. Next year Bush had been in India
Sardarji: I want to show you our advancement. (The same, he takes Bush in forest.)
Sardar: Dig it. (Bush does.)
Sardar: More...More..More.......... (Bush goes Upto almost 400 feet...)
Sardarji: Try to find something. (Bush tries.)
Sardarji: Did you get anything?
Bush: No.
Sardarji: yes, even 400 years ago we used to have wireless Technology.
JOKE OF THE DAY !
This is the place to laught..
Make a smile to make your life beautiful....
Let us start showing our Teeth.......
And if you want to involve send me your jokes to me..
Make a smile to make your life beautiful....
Let us start showing our Teeth.......
And if you want to involve send me your jokes to me..
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