Plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to re place it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there.
That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you ! the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later. User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE
Friday, February 6, 2009
Heavenly Communications
An old man was sitting in a park reading the book 'Learn C in 21 days'.
A paserby saw him and asked, "at your age, why are u trying to learn C?"
"I've heard that the communcation language used in Heaven is only C, and I don't want to face any communication problems when I go there, " the old man replied.
"But how are you so sure that you will go to Heaven? You could land up in Hell as well, "the passerby asked.
"Ya doesn't matter... I already know Java".
A paserby saw him and asked, "at your age, why are u trying to learn C?"
"I've heard that the communcation language used in Heaven is only C, and I don't want to face any communication problems when I go there, " the old man replied.
"But how are you so sure that you will go to Heaven? You could land up in Hell as well, "the passerby asked.
"Ya doesn't matter... I already know Java".
HOW A HR MANAGER COULD WRITE A LOVE LETTER.....
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
HR Manager
SARDAR 2
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key Westto Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywoodand Las Vegasperform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywoodand Las Vegasperform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."
WOMEN - MEN
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
=================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
......................
...........................................
... ... ... ... ... ...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
===================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
=================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
......................
...........................................
... ... ... ... ... ...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
===================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
INDIA - PAK
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the defeat of Bush."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state. "
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this Laloo starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. "
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Musharaff is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "
God replies:"Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state. "
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this Laloo starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan. "
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Musharaff is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying? "
God replies:"Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"
INTELLIGENT MONKEY
INTELLIGENT MONKEY
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey : "Tying their seat belts" Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! and Morning Wishes!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the Flight system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking all these events"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travellers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the Aircraft"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: " Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Kissing the pilots"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Responding"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering".
Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was travelling in the plane was left alive.Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey : "Tying their seat belts" Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Saying Hello! and Morning Wishes!"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Checking the Flight system"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Looking all these events"
Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Serving the travellers"
Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Eating & throwing"
Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"
Officer: "What were the airhostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Make up"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the Aircraft"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: " Nothing"
Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travellers doing?"
Monkey: "All were sleeping"
Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"
Monkey: "Kissing the pilots"
Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"
Monkey: "Responding"
Officer: "What were you doing?"
Monkey: "Handling the steering".
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